Generic Disclaimer for an Imaginary Publication

Environmental Impact
This document was printed on paper hand-crafted from recycled bus transfers. The ink was prepared from natural vegetable dyes derived from plants that were not plucked but which fell harmlessly to thick organic Burmuda grass and lovingly carried by Carmelite Sisters directly to Crystal City, Virginia in a 2007 Toyota Yaris hatchback in complete silence and non-denomenational prayer and contemplation. This cruelty-free process did not involve any obvious, apparent, or imagined harm to any plants or large animals. No foul language or pornographic or Pre-Raphaelite images were used during the process. It is placenta-free, unscented, biodegradable, and Y2K compliant.
Painstakingly written in excruciatingly careful language consistent with a precept of being gender neutral and culturally unbiased, this document was reviewed by a team of fairly detached gender-neutral experts and a syphilitic, hearing-impaired Labrador Retriever, while having out-of-body experiences.
Conflicts of Interest
No official, unofficial, implied, insinuated, or accidental support or endorsement by any public, private, not-for-profit, legal, or illegal corporation or business is intended or should be inferred. The development of this document was done without one whit of support, assistance, succor, alms, or advice from any governmental agent, party, representative, or body, whether Federal, State, or imagined.
Opinions and Views
The views and opinions herein do not reflect the official position of any existing, previously existing, or yet-to-exist business, organization, principality, or governmental agency on Earth or any location known to Man. The views are those of the author, except for the parts lifted from Wikipedia sans citation. Portions may have been conceived, developed, written, and published during one of several episodes of substance-induced blackouts, brownouts, greyouts, or fits of pique, and may not accurately reflect the opinions of the author during otherwise abstemious phases of his life.
Standard of Care
Information proffered herein does not constitute medical advice or education in any commonly assumed sense. People requiring medical attention should seek the counsel of a physician, chiropractor, homeopath, unlicensed social worker, nondairy vegetarian, palm-reader, or one of the author’s several well-meaning aunts down in Louisiana, some of whom have embarrassingly switched to the Republican Party.
If George W. Bush was the answer, it must have been a rather peculiar question.
Additional Copies
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