Tips for Out of the Office Messages
- Summarize your place on the space-time continuum
- Provide false reason and dates
- Mention whether you will pretend to check email
- Suggest useless emergency contact
- Provide irrational disclaimer and warning
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I met this man who trains dogs to sniff out explosives. He calls them “bomb dogs.” He does this for the police department in Washington, D.C. As we know, a lot of people are interested in planting explosives in Washington, D.C. Sometimes it makes you wonder why we live here. …
Once upon a time there was a fishing village that surrounded a beautiful harbor beside the sea. The people of the village worked hard to make their living. Everyone was expected to help with the fishing, from the youngest to the oldest. …
Genesis 1:1-4 (King James Version)
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
Genesis 1:1-4 (Valley Girl Version)
So like God totally created the heaven AND the earth! Bonus! Awesome! BUT like the earth wasn’t accessorized (barf) and the waters weren’t pretty (gag me). And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters and junk. Like whatever. And so He was like “Let there be light” and stuff. And like OMG, there was light! You know? Awesome! …
I knew a man in Tennessee whose real name was John Smith. I point out that this was his real name because otherwise you would think I was disguising it. John lived in Tellico Plains and he’d been taught to trout fish by a forest ranger who was the best in the region. John became an expert himself and one day I went fishing with him because we were friends. I was no expert when it came to trout fishing. …
Honey, You’re the Best
You may be my second wife
But you will always be Number One to me. …
Animal behavior is always fascinating to me. I filmed this in Bedford County, PA beside the Juniata River. It truly did appear that the geese were embarrassed by the mallard fight and wanted to make them stop. The mallard fight went on and on and was vicious, not sporting. Of course, geese are known to fight as well, but on this occasion they tried to be the peacemakers. …
Google and others are providing us with a great variety of free tools that enhance and organize our Web experiences. The following shows how you can use Google’s free iGoogle desktop. I use Firefox as my browser and this setup works exactly the same on my company PC and on my personal Macs. I’ve numbered just a few of the key features. …
Language Convention and Usage
Tormented as he was by a relentless parade of edgy vituperative Catholic nuns during his youth, the author was compelled to employ a ceaseless, painstaking, and excruciating editorial effort to use language that upholds the dignity, honor, and presumed resplendence of all of the peoples of the world—except perhaps nuns themselves and of course, creation scientists. …
Politically Correct Language Conventions For an Imaginary PublicationRead More »
The following took place in Ooltewah, Tennessee. It is one of those stories that has never left me, although it took place sometime in the late 1960’s. …