And seeing the multitudes, Jesus went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him. And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying, “Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.”
Genesis 1:1-4 (King James Version)
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
Genesis 1:1-4 (Valley Girl Version)
So like God totally created the heaven AND the earth! Bonus! Awesome! BUT like the earth wasn’t accessorized (barf) and the waters weren’t pretty (gag me). And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters and junk. Like whatever. And so He was like “Let there be light” and stuff. And like OMG, there was light! You know? Awesome!
Honey, You’re the Best
You may be my second wife
But you will always be Number One to me.
Language Convention and Usage
Tormented as he was by a relentless parade of edgy vituperative Catholic nuns during his youth, the author was compelled to employ a ceaseless, painstaking, and excruciating editorial effort to use language that upholds the dignity, honor, and presumed resplendence of all of the peoples of the world—except perhaps nuns themselves and of course, creation scientists.
- The Audacity of Expectorants
- Why Not Sanguinity?
- Half-Black Like Me
- The Paucity of Dope
This document was printed on paper hand-crafted from recycled bus transfers. The ink was prepared from natural vegetable dyes derived from plants that were not plucked but which fell harmlessly to thick organic Burmuda grass and lovingly carried by Carmelite Sisters directly to Crystal City, Virginia in a 2007 Toyota Yaris hatchback in complete silence and non-denomenational prayer and contemplation. This cruelty-free process did not involve any obvious, apparent, or imagined harm to any plants or large animals. No foul language or pornographic or Pre-Raphaelite images were used during the process. It is placenta-free, unscented, biodegradable, and Y2K compliant.